Xavi’s awake AGAIN?! Shoot. me. now.

So ever since Xavi turned 1 he has become a bigger pain in the butt than usual. And I’ve been an extra softie since his hospital visits but now he’s better the only thing keeping him waking up and invading my bed is 1. Habit, 2. Clingyness 3. Those damn molars!! Here’s how its currently going down after 7pm…

7pm Give Xavi’s milk then read him a story where he turns the pages before I’ve said the second word and he then proceeds to throw the book out of my hand to say mum I’m done, Next! We then go through 4 books till I give up.

7.15pm Put Xavi’s head on my shoulder while he puts his hand down my top. Rock him profusely on the rocking chair with lullabies playing on summer infant slumber buddy elephant. If I’m lucky this lasts 30 minutes till he’s fast asleep and I put him in the cot but lately an hour later and finally he’s asleep! I then slowly place him in the cot with a rolled blanket ALWAYS in the cot in front of him so he thinks its my arm.

8pm Ahh finally I can put an end to those stomach gurgles and eat with the hubster while watching Netflix. Well that’s if I had an organised day and cooked dinner before I put him to sleep. But if I’ve had Xavi attached to my leg all day or making something quick like a stirfry I’ll make that after I’ve put him to sleep so my stomach may have to gurgle for a little longer… arghhhh!

10-11pm Anytime between this Xavi has been waking up (I’m telling myself its teething!) and as soon as I see a tiny flicker of a movement  I do a big yawn to the hubby and say ahhhh i’m soooo tired, I’m gonna hit the sack. I then proceed to run upstairs and get under the duvets while I hear hubby walking upstairs to Xavi’s room because he’s woken up. Muhahaha gutted hubby! He then has to rock and hold Xavi for around 30 mins/1 hour till he’s fast asleep and ready to be placed in the cot. While I pretend I’m asleep but really I’m under my duvet on my phone wassaping, googling random questions like why the fuck won’t my baby sleep, or shopping on ASOS. (sorry hubby but at least I’m doing some research on how to solve the sleep problem too!)

11.30pm – I hear hubby closing the nursery door and quickly let go of my phone and pretend I’ve been asleep the whole time. By now I really am knackered and thinking of what I have ahead with Damien all night I go into dream land hoping hubby doesn’t wanna cuddle. (babes i do love you really I’m just so fucking tired!)

12.30am – WAH WAH WAH MAMAAAA DADDDAAA! FUCK. He’s awake already. i say to hubby half dead ‘Babes please try put him to sleep’ to which hubby responds with ‘for fucks sake’ as he gets out of bed, goes to the nursery and doesn’t even attempt to rock him! He comes back and says ‘I need to go to work and he only sleeps with you’. ARGHHHHHH!!! He then plomps Xavi on my arm and I hate to say it but he goes to sleep straight away knowing he’s in his mama’s arms. Shit Shit SHIT! Note to self make sure you figure out a way the hubby can breastfeed the next baby too so he gets equally attached or fuck it bottle all the way.. at least I breastfed one child.

2.30am – EH EH EH WAH WAH WAH! God. Help. Me. I must have moved or coughed or maybe it was hubby’s fucking loud snoring but whatever it was he’s awake again. Proceed to swap him to the other shoulder and try to get him in a comfy position for about 30 minutes until he’s finally satisfied thats he’s pissed me off enough as he goes into dreamland, while hubby continues to snore (he sleeps through anything the shitbag!) yet me the light sleeper struggles to get back to sleep knowing exactly when the next wake time will be…

5am – Xavi gets up dramatically from my shoulder sits up and starts clapping. GREAT! He’s officially awake. I ignore him and try to go back to sleep but then he slaps my boobs and cries (this is his signal for milk!) I wake Rajan up to watch him while I go down to get his milk. Half dead while its heating I go to the loo and try to have a quick 5 minute nap. Doesn’t last long as I hear Xavi’s screaming getting louder and louder. I drag myself upstairs and give him his milk in bed. I lie down next to him hoping he’ll fall back to sleep after.

5.30am – NOPE. Not. Happening. He’s Awake. And now he’s laughing, slapping us, and jumping on the bed like he’s had the best sleep of his life. Are you fucking kidding me right now? The only joy I have in this is that he wakes up the snorer too slapping him in the face. Its way too early to get out of bed so we lock the bedroom door put him on the floor and let him cause mayhem while we try to at least continue to have a lie down for another hour.

6.30am – DESTRUCTION FUCKING EVERYWHERE. As we laid in bed he emptied all of our bedside drawers, thrown our clothes everywhere, hidden my possessions (Xavi where the hell is my watch?!), and looks at us like ‘that will teach you to stay in bed when i’m awake!’ Well we continue to do this every morning because losing our shit and having to tidy up for an extra ten minutes is totally worth the extra time in bed so muhahaha Xavi, you’re the sucker really! Wait. who am I kidding, we ain’t sleeping and he has us round his little fingers. I finally give in and take him downstairs. My day has officially started and I want to shoot myself. Thank god he’s cute.

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