So we’ve had a tough time with Xavi the past couple weeks.. In and out of hospital on two separate occasions following severe asthma attacks. We had no idea he suffered from this at first but ever since those god damn 1 year jabs Xavi got a cold, which then turned into a nasty cough he hasn’t been able to shake off for over 6 weeks now.
The first occasion was scary enough but the second makes me feels sick thinking about it so I’m not going to go into the gory details. But what I do have to say is thank you Great Britain for our NHS. Seriously we are fucking lucky to have such amazing free healthcare. The first time Xavi had an attack I had no idea it was asthma but knew he was struggling to breathe all night so called 111 and after describing how he was breathing they sent an ambulance straight away. The care that followed while we were there for a couple of days was amazing from the ambulance treating him straight away to the attentive doctors and nurses in the ward.
Now the second time a week later was a little more dramatic with us rushing Xavi to hospital once we knew the signs to look out for. This time the care he received astounded me even more. He had 10 plus doctors & nurses surrounding him doing everything in their power to make sure he was ok and figure out why this happened again. This time we were there a little longer and he’s now on a daily preventive asthma pump as well as antibiotics to finally kick this evil ass infection.
He’s doing much better at home this time and I’m finally seeing my happy cheeky boy again. What he’s been through the last couple of weeks would be tough on an adult let alone a 13 month old baby. But watching him go through it all made me realise what a brave little badass he is! He hardly cried, smiled when he could and still gave the best hugs despite feeling like shit! Never will I complain about my minor cold again (nor should you hubby about your made up man flu!). Xavi struggled to sleep or eat, had his hand and foot strapped up with cannulas, and was woken all night to be given medicine & neubilisers yet he still managed to break out a little dance at the sound of a beat!
Now I know this is going to be a possibly lifetime problem we’re going to deal with especially since daddy has asthma (but he has grown out of it older he’s got so hopefully Xavi is the same). But for now every time he gets a cold I’m gonna be stupidly paranoid it’s going to lead to Xavi having another attack. So I’ve decided I’m going to deal with this proactively and lots of people I’m sure will have plenty to say calling me a freak over the top mum but frankly I don’t give a shit! My little boy has been in pain and as his mum I’m going to fight any little fucker that dare tries to hurt him from a pesky annoying wasp to a full blown infection the best I can.
Of course certain aspects of health will always be totally out of my control but things I can do is:
1. Stop taking Xavi swimming
His second attack flared after a lesson particularly as soon as I had dunked him under the water and when he started to cough uncontrollably I knew something was up and continued to blame myself for taking him. So even though it may not have been a direct cause and despite him loving it, stopping swimming over these winter months I have no qualms about. Instead I’ll make sure he goes on lots of extra holidays so he gets to swim in gorgeous hot weather instead.
2. Delay sending Xavi to nursery & keep him away from sick people
I’m lucky enough to be taking a career break while I raise Xavi as a SAHM but I was still planning on sending him nursery after he turned 1 for a day or two thinking it’ll be good for both of us to have a break and him to interact with kids regularly. Well with winter and nasty germs circulating fuck that! I’m keeping my baby at home at least till it warms up and Xavi is stronger to deal with less bugs about. Now I know this is controversial since so many mums say the same boring thing “but they need to build up their immune system by picking up germs”… Emm hello Xavi is getting his fair share and more of germs, and is more vulnerable than most of it turning into a full blown asthma attack. So why the hell would I throw him into a room of sick kids to get even more sick and increase his risk of struggling to breathe?! Why people say this really pisses me off. Would you as an adult go into a crowded room of sick people and say please touch me, give me your germs so my immune system builds up and even though I may suffer in the short term I’ll be stronger in the end?! (Yet you go on to have the same number of colds and illnesses you’ve always had If not more for being such a dumbass!) So no thanks.. where possible I’m going to keep my sweet gorgeous boy away from as many germs as I can to minimise the amount he suffers. Now I ain’t going to go ott on the germophobe cleaning front but am I going to take him somewhere when I know a family member or friend is sick? HELL NO. Am I going to drop him at nursery for the first time which is a breeding ground for bugs during the cold winter months? HELL NO. Are we going to continue what we always do, go to lots of baby groups, see family regularly, have play dates, and build towers and race toy cars at home seeing my baby boy smile cheek to cheek? HELL YES!
3. Cherish every minute with my best mate
I thought teething and sleeping is when I’ve seen Xavi at his worst but nothing prepares you for seeing your innocent helpless baby in so much pain that they need to be hospitalised. My stomach was in constant knots and I kept wishing I could take his pain away and swap places. I’ve not felt like that about anyone in my life (sorry hubby I still love you though!) and knowing this is just the beginning of constant worry I’m going to feel about my kid.. when things are good I’m going to make sure I really cherish how good they are. Everyday Xavi is healthy and happy I’m going to stare at him in a crazy in love psycho way and really take in that moment with my best mate. And one way will definitely be by putting my god damn phone down and instead of watching my hilarious boy through a lens snap snap snapping just enjoy him in the gorgeous flesh.
Hope this post hasn’t been a debbie downer but starting this blog I realise I should be as honest as I can even when times are shit because that’s the whole point of it right? It’s about normal people wanting to share whatever it is that they love with the world, and that includes the bad, the ugly as well as the good. And my greatest love happens to be my beautiful asthmatic Xavi who despite feeling shit at times still likes to light up our faces by giving us a smile and a little wiggle.. What a badass.